Becoming Chris Kamalski

I’ve had a hard couple of weeks wrapping up the Apprenticeship year here in Pretoria. Max’s injury, overall tiredness/exhaustion from the year, transition, thinking about future stuff, plus all the wrap-up stuff that comes with ending something and beginning new things. As I’ve written before, my God-complex comes out much more deeply during this time, and I struggle deeply with thinking that everything needs to be tied up in neat bows of great Chris Kamalski effort and sweat.  Things have come to a head this week in realizing that I simply cannot do it all, and must lay down many things.

But the combination of celebrating the engagement of good friends, cliff jumping into natural rock water pools this afternoon, watching TV, finally starting my heart project in a deep way (editing photos is fun, if tedious!), quality time hanging out with Tony Cermak just a few days before he leaves, and a silly free Matt Wertz cd that I downloaded this week are picking up my mood.  I took no medicine, haven’t ‘prayed,’ or really done anything other than found myself (grudgingly at first) enjoying the past several hours.

Could the mind actually have a much deeper hold on our collective well-being than we give it credit as having?  I feel like someone just slipped me a placebo pill…and I’ve woken up again to laughter, joy, and simple things.  Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I’m convinced again that Christ holds all things in his hand (Col 1:17), and that…

…everything might actually work out in some sort of fashion I will call good at some point in my future.